Bittersweet Roses
by Glitter's Infatuation
Summary: What will Christian do to help ease Satine's pain? Bad summary sorry people!


Bittersweet Roses 

By Glitter's Infatuation 

**This fic uses Kylie Minogue's 'Where the Wild Roses Grow' and 'Bittersweet Goodbye'. Dedicated to Loz for being so psychically snazzy :) and regaling me all night with snazzalus stories [that are TRUE!]**

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
They call me The Wild Rose  
But my name is Elisa Day  
Why they call me it I do not know  
For my name is Elisa Day  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No. There must be something else- this can't be real! There's something the matter, tell me what it is... Tell me what's wrong! Tell me the truth! Tell me the truth!"

Christian grabbed Satine's arms and held on tight, his resolve to find out the truth hard. Something had to be wrong, she hadn't, couldn't,_ wouldn't _look him in the eye. Satine struggled fiercely, her head down low and her chest struggling to help her breathe. Gasping, she yanked her arms away and managed to step away, leaning heavily on the wooden doorframe, while Christian gazed with an expression mixed with anger, frustration, love and hurt. Satine kept her head low and flicked her eyes upward, barely peeking from under her eyelashes. Her gaze hit Christian's dead on like a bullet and a flood of pain erupted in her chest. 

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"The truth? The truth is, I'm dying, Christian. I'm going to die."

Though the words were barely whispered, in Satine's ears they felt like the whole world could hear them, they could hear her innocence, her pain and her life being slowly drained away. It was like the sea, a giant ocean of disease, slowly coming in and sweeping part of her soul away. It went, but then it would return, solidly and surely, in a never-ending drag. Soon, there would be no more sand. No more Satine.

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"What? Sa-Satine, you can't be true. Dying? No, Satine, no no no, you can't be"

Christian's eyes filled with diamond teardrops, painful to shed and sparkling like jewels. 

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The Sparkling Diamond

Satine closed her eyes tightly as a wave of pain crashed over her. The tide of death was coming sooner and sooner, stealing more sand from the shores of life. Her chest tightened as her breath was coming in shorter gasps and a dizzying image of Christian played in her mind. Swaying slightly, Satine's head titled to the side and her eyes quickly rolled back, and she slumped into unconsciousness. 

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
From the first day I saw her I knew she was the one  
As she stared in my eyes and smiled  
For her lips were the colour of the roses  
That grew down the river, all bloody and wild  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christian snapped out of his hazy state as he saw his beloved crash ungracefully to the ground. He raced to her side and gently lifted her up, before placing her onto his bed. 

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Their bed

Willing all thoughts out of his minds except those of aiding Satine, Christian deftly unlaced her tight corset strings and gently unpinned her hat, releasing her russet-gold hair in a magnificent cascade. Softly climbing beside her, Christian held Satine's frail body tightly, his fingers stroking her pale cheek. He noticed that her eyes were slightly raw, and he bit back a heart aching sob. Satine was dying. She wouldn't have told him anything but the truth. 

The truth kills.  
  
_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When he knocked on my door and entered the room  
My trembling subsided in his sure embrace  
He would be my first man, and with a careful hand  
He wiped at the tears that ran down my face  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, Satine coughed violently into a blood-soaked tissue, while Christian could only look on and watch in dismay. Since revealing the truth, he had seen her crumble under the disease's grip, and he wished with all his heart that he could cure her. Zidler had been furious when Satine had missed the opening night, but had immediately softened when he had saw what had become of his cherub. She had not left Christian's room; she either slept fitfully or walked around the room in an almost comatose state, her pale kimono trailing softly after her. Christian often-found Satine sitting by the window in the middle of the night mesmerised by the turning lights of the windmill, sitting almost as if she were stone.

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"Chris-Christian, I want you…need you…"

Satine's previously silky voice had become nothing more than a coarse whisper over the past few days, and Christian rushed to her side, not wanting Satine to feel afraid.

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"I'm here, darling, don't worry, sshh, I'm here, it's okay baby, sweetie its alright."

Christian rubbed his hand over Satine's freezing shoulder, soothing soft words into her ear, trying to calm her trembling fears. Gradually, her shakes subsided and Satine smiled softly, closing her eyes and allowing her body to rest. She knew she had not long left, the doctor had finalised that yesterday, his voice subdued and empty.

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"Monsieur James, Mademoiselle Satine Desmergers is in the late stage of consumption. There is nothing to be done. She will die in a few days. Take these to help ease the pain, but I am afraid it is now in the Lord's hands. May He show grace upon her."

Satine had bitten her lip in order not to scream when the doctor left and Christian howled on the rooftop. The blood pooled into her mouth, the coppery tang bringing another bout of coughing. Christian had rushed down to see to Satine and she when saw his face was a shiny red of tears, she could do nothing but let her own tears flow. 

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
On the second day I brought her a flower  
She was more beautiful than any woman I'd seen  
I said, "Do you know where the wild roses grow  
So sweet and scarlet and free?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flying, spinning, dancing, loving, whirling, twirling, shouting, swirling, gliding, falling, screaming, crying, dying

The images spun in Satine's mind a dizzying array of colour and emotions. Her first night as the Diamond, Harold and Marie, the shows, the dancing, the men, Christian, their song, their medley, their kisses, the Duke, her mother, her sister, the elephant, the doctor's words, Christian's sobs, the incredible pain. Everything whirled around, never ceasing, making her heart pound and her chest burn. Gasping, her eyes flew open and she lay rigid as the terrifying nightmare slowly slid into the past. Shuddering slightly, Satine searched around the dim room until she found Christian sitting by the window with a dark object in his hand. 

Sensing her eyes on him, Christian crept closer and kissed Satine on the head, slipping the object into his pocket. Her gaze was wary, but exhausted, and with a few loving words, Satine lay back down under the cold covers and closed her eyes, letting the night override her senses.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
On the second day he came with a single red rose  
Said: "Will you give me your loss and your sorrow?"  
I nodded my head, as I lay on the bed  
He said, "If I show you the roses will you follow?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

As her eyes slowly closed, Christian softly stepped away and climbed the staircase to Toulouse's studio. It was empty, as Toulouse and the other bohemians had decided to spend a few days living at the Moulin Rouge, to give Christian and Satine some final time together. The studio was vast without the crates of Absinthe, drunken bohemians and easels covered with pictures. Setting himself down into a tattered chair, Christian eased the big bottle out from his pocket. The dark liquid inside bubbled as it was turned in his worrying hands, until he found the small white label stuck to the side.

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Take once every 4 hours, one spoonful maximum. Do not exceed allocated amount.

The thoughts that brewed in Christian's mind made him feel sick to his stomach. Satine was in incredible pain, and he couldn't just sit there and watch her die. He would do anything to help ease the pain, even is that meant that Satine would never be the bright star he knew and loved.

Stuffing the oversized bottle into his pocket, Christian squeezed his eyes shut tightly and felt the hot tears spring up. He loved Satine till the end of time, even if that meant living some part of it without her.  
  
_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
On the third day he took me to the river  
He showed me the roses and we kissed  
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word  
As he stood smiling above me with a rock in his fist  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

As the dawn pierced the skyline, Satine gazed lovingly at the windmill, watching the early sunlight turn the fierce red glow into a golden star. She could see people milling about, the bourgeois slipping away into carriages while the "entertainers" lounged about, pleased with their earnings from the night before. Softly turning away, Satine watched Christian typing at his typewriter; his face contorted into a mask that she didn't understand. The clicking of the keys was hurried, brutal and sharp, unlike their usual soft tap. 

Christian spent the day with his eyes trained on Satine's lithe form, watching her every move, savouring and saving the precious moments that had left together. She seemed to float with angels' grace, and Christian grimaced when he thought of Satine as an angel. She was too good to die! Too young, life wasted.

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Only the good die young

It was an unfair game with the Fates, a losing battle that could never be won. Christian could do nothing but wait for the courage to help ease Satine out of this hell's life she lived, and into the grace of peace.

Satine felt the tides of life slowly sweep across her soul, more vicious than they ever had been. She felt completely lost, like a feather dancing in the windy skies, and all she could do was to ride it out. Her chest heaved and blood soaked the sheets she lay in. Satine groggily raised her eyes and saw Christian standing in front of her with a bottle in his hand. Some part of her cried at his haggard state, but another part knew what he was going to do.

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"Satine, darling, the doctor gave me this for you. D-do you want to take it now?"

His actual meaning was as clear as the dying day outside. Satine smiled weakly and allowed Christian to ease her into a sitting position, and as he hurried off to get a spoon from the kitchen, Satine softly sang to the life outside she had forgotten about.

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"Here we are in the dead of night  
Will you keep me warm and hold me tight,  
All we have is until the dawn  
Let the night be long and ease the dawn  
I love you more than you'll ever know  
It hurts to see you go.  
So Darling sing me a lullaby,  
Bittersweet goodbye  
Don't think about the future now  
These few hours  
Let the night time envelop us  
Take us under  
Bewitching spell, bewitching spell.  
Here we are in the dead of night  
Won't see you past the morning light,  
So Darling sing me a lullaby,  
Bittersweet goodbye  
Remember me when you're away."

Christian froze as her words reached him. She knew. She knew what he was going to do, and she was allowing him to do so. A small part of was happier, glad that he didn't have to deceive Satine when she was so ill. He walked back into the room and sat down besides her, stroking her limp dull curls that framed her thin face.

Satine turned to face him, her eyes sad, yet knowing.

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"Time for my medicine, is it sweetheart?"  
  
_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow  
And she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief  
As I kissed her goodbye, I said, "All beauty must die"  
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Christian clenched Satine's fist as she softly slept. Satine had been quiet as she had swallowed her medicine, and then kissed Christian's tired face gently before closing her eyes. 

Her breathing became shallower, slower and deeper and suddenly Christian felt the tears flow down his face. He'd killed her. He was killing Satine, stopping her life forever. He shook her, but there was no response, just the same slow breathing, and Christian collapsed by her side, shaking with sobs that threatened to tear him apart. His raised his eyes and gazed at Satine's peaceful face, and gave her one last kiss before her chest softly stopped rising.

A howl ripped through his body, followed by tears that choked him with mourning pains. He crept behind Satine's still form and hugged her close and tight, feeling the tiny droplets of warmth from her body fade. He stayed like that for what seemed like forever, until the intense pain overtook him and he fell unconscious by her side. 

He dreamed that night of a time when things were beautiful and free, when words were filled with truth and love. Now they were dead. As he dreamed of his room, the figure of Satine slowly appeared in front of him, shimmering softly with an angelic light.

An angel's grace

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"Christian, I love you. You saved me."

"I, I killed you Satine! Why, why didn't I help you?"

"You did, my love." Satine's voice was silky, like it had previously been, _"you saved me from a painful death, you let me die surrounded by love, in the arms of the one I loved most dear."_

"How can I live without you? I don't know what to do, who I am without you. You are me."

"I still will be. My love resides as part of you, and you will carry out love to the world. Write our story, Christian, that way they will know about us, our love that is eternal, come what may."

Satine's form flickered slightly, and Christian felt himself wake up. He saw the light of a new day arriving, and he slowly detached himself from Satine's side. He changed her clothes and the bloody bed sheets, and gently washed her hair, before laying her back down. He swiftly ran out of the room and returned several minutes later with a single rose. 

Christian kissed her once more, and placed the rose between her ivory hands, before sitting by the window and watching the bright lights of the windmill turn, in an eternal spin.

Like their love. It would be eternal. 

Come What May


End file.
